A Dog Mayor is Running for President (Astounding)
Meet Lucy Lou – a strong leader, she’s been the mayor of Rabbit Hash, Kentucky for the last seven years. While she was the first female mayor of the town, she’s only the third dog to do so.
That’s right; Lucy Lou is a border collie, and is the current sitting (and staying) mayor of Rabbit Hash. What’s more, she’s got higher aspirations than even that – she’s running for the office of President.
According to Lucy Lou’s owner and official social media spokesperson Bobbi Kayser, her campaign is run on a healthy diet of snark: “All the other presidential candidates are dogs. Why shouldn’t a real one run?”
Lucy Lou’s campaign is being run as a member of the Indepawdent Party, with the campaign slogan “The bitch you can really count on.” It’s an effective slogan, since it got her the mayor’s seat in 2008.
Rabbit Hash has a long and storied history of electing animals into office – it’s often done to raise funds for the local historical society. In order to cast their vote, citizens have to spent $1, people can donate and vote as many times as they want, and alcohol use when voting is not only allowed, it’s actively encouraged.
Despite the stunts, Lucy Lou’s platform is actually somewhat thorough and detailed: she campaigns on a small government, higher tax, pro-immigration platform. Also on her agenda is dedicating more funds to mental health care.
Lucy Lou’s stance on gun control is also quite fetching: while she wants to lift some of the existing restrictions on small arms and hunting rifles, she wants to place more limits on citizens’ access to assault weapons. Don’t work, Lucy Lou’s also pro-gay rights – as long as they stay within their species (no cats marrying dogs), anyone should be able to marry each other, no matter what sex or gender they are.
To be fair, Lucy Lou is not given many official duties – presumably like many elected officials, she spends most of her time sleeping. However, in her campaign for president, her experience as mayor will be a key point in her favor.
What Lucy Lou lacks in legislative acumen she makes up for in public appearances, appearing in local area parades as the grand marshal, raising money for the Rabbit Hash Historical Society (to whom all donations to Lucy Lou’s campaign will go), and more.
The best part about her campaign, says Lucy Lou’s page, is that she has no scandals to unravel. “There are no skeletons in my closet. A few bones maybe, but no skeletons… In the spirit of full disclosure, my vet has to treat me for occasional fleas and has put me on a regimen of diet kibble and a glucosamine supplement for my older joints.” Think of her as Lincoln Chafee, but with more charisma and legislative confidence.
Granted, there are still a few restrictions to get over – Presidents have to be over 35 years old, after all. Still, she might make it if you count dog years. Regardless of how her campaign shakes out, Lucy Lou’s bid for president is a bright spot in this convoluted race.
Image credit: Cincinnati.com